this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
