Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
