Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
