Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
home. puking in laundry basket.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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