i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
