It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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