your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
