He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's never too late to be topless.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
