I will die if light touches me.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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