i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
