we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
