I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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