You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
