theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
