Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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