I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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