I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
