my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
