I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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