I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
