i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
