It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
