I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
