My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
