I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize