you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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