My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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