I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
