i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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