I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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