i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wish I only lived at night.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
what day is it and did you see me today?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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