Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
