We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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