I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
