Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
