week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
