Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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