i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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