If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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