I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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