my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
