this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
