you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
