I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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