Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize
