So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
