nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
