chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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