I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
