So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
